The Sydney Opera House is set to be transformed into a club dedicated to electronic dance music and renamed the Sydney Deep House in a bid to revitalise the ageing icon.
“Nobody actually likes opera,” a spokesperson for the Sydney Opera House said. “None of us wanted to admit it, but it’s true. And if we didn’t change soon there was a real threat we’d be rezoned into another casino.”
The re-brand will see the concert hall transformed into an Ibiza-style nightclub with Strathfield Car Radio awarded the contract to update the sound system.
“We were given very strict brief – if ears aren’t bleeding, you’ve failed,” one technician said. “But honestly, if there aren’t a few heart attacks when Darude’s Sandstorm drops, we’ll feel like we’ve let Sydney down.”
The smaller 1,507-seat Joan Sutherland Theatre will be converted into a “day club with recovery music and soft lighting”, while the outdoor forecourt will be turned into a “gym-garden for those wanting to get a final pump before hitting the dance floor” an engineer confirmed.
Sydney’s die-hard opera fans are optimistic they can still save their beloved Opera House. A petition signed by all three of them concludes: “It’s not over until the fat lady sings”.