Ugly People to be Banned From Bondi to Coogee Walk

Checkpoints will be set up at the entrances to the popular coastal walk between Bondi to Coogee this weekend in a bid to weed out ugly people, sweaty runners and others who might ruin perfect selfie opportunities for beautiful people.

Chloe, a 22-year-old Tamarama local who describes herself as an “entrepreneur/model/beauty blogger”, will be responsible for policing the Bondi entrance to the walk on weekends.

“I’ve worked on the door at all of Sydney’s best clubs, so I really know the sorts of things to look out for,” she said in response to questions about her qualifications for the role. “If a woman isn’t wearing at least one Lululemon item and carrying a turmeric latte, it’s unlikely I’ll let her in.”

India, 19, whose LinkedIn profile describes her as an “entrepreneur/model/DJ”, will be stationed at the Coogee entrance. She described the job as “a fat-free cake walk”.

“The process of natural selection and rise of cheap injectables mean there aren’t a lot of ugly people in the eastern suburbs anyway,” she said, adding that she would simply be pointing “undesirables” towards the less-crowded Coogee to Maroubra walk.


20 thoughts on “Ugly People to be Banned From Bondi to Coogee Walk

  1. I have an ugly stick for your stuck up arse you low life.people like you end up in my boot.


  2. Who the hell do you think you are
    Well I will tell you
    YOU ARE A BULLY and you could potentially cause someone to hurt themselves if they get rejected
    You are disgusting


    • Hey there, sorry if this story upset you.

      However, this is a satirical website, and this story is poking fun at how glamorous the Eastern Suburbs have become – it wasn’t meant to make anyone feel bad.

      I hope you give us another chance, and maybe even have a laugh at some of our future stories.


      Sydney Sentinel


  3. Lets hope life gets ugly for this bitch 🙂


  4. FUNNY … also the comments from people who have no sense of humor equally funny 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Fuck yes another excuse not to do exercise! I’ll just do the Bondi to Beach Burrito instead =)

    Liked by 1 person

  6. If i am lucky enough to “once again do that walk” i am sure i’ll be let pass by Cloe -no products on hand- my build up muscles and toight ass, have allways been enough.

    So, bring it on Chloe!! Lets bounce that entry!!

    Hi from México.


  7. Ugly lives matter!!!

    Sorry, I’m American… we use that chant for everydamnthing


  8. How many people don’t have a sense of humor, that cannot tell satire from reality?


  9. I’ve never cunt punted anyone before but this Chloe girl…..


  10. Lol. I guess I was one of the ugly people living in eastern suburb 😉


  11. It wasn’t my looks, I just paid for entry today when I pulled up in my yellow lambo… vanity has a price. See you around bikini cafe Chloe


  12. If Chloe really was a Tamarama local she would know in the East you just do Bondi to Bronte walk with a green smoothie …I guess at 22 she has no idea and pays for fake followers and likes to sound more believable 😂😂


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s