Ugly People to be Banned From Bondi to Coogee Walk

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Checkpoints will be set up at the entrances to the popular coastal walk between Bondi to Coogee this weekend in a bid to weed out ugly people, sweaty runners and others who might ruin perfect selfie opportunities for beautiful people.

Chloe, a 22-year-old Tamarama local who describes herself as an “entrepreneur/model/beauty blogger”, will be responsible for policing the Bondi entrance to the walk on weekends.

“I’ve worked on the door at all of Sydney’s best clubs, so I really know the sorts of things to look out for,” she said in response to questions about her qualifications for the role.“If a woman isn’t wearing at least one Lululemon item and carrying a turmeric latte, it’s unlikely I’ll let her in.”

India, 19, whose LinkedIn profile describes her as an “entrepreneur/model/DJ”, will be stationed at the Coogee entrance. She described the job as “a fat-free cake walk”.

“The process of natural selection and rise of cheap injectables mean there aren’t a lot of ugly people in the eastern suburbs anyway,” she said, adding that she would simply be pointing “undesirables” towards the less-crowded Coogee to Maroubra walk.

 

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19 thoughts on “Ugly People to be Banned From Bondi to Coogee Walk

  1. I have an ugly stick for your stuck up arse you low life.people like you end up in my boot.

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  2. Who the hell do you think you are
    Well I will tell you
    YOU ARE A BULLY and you could potentially cause someone to hurt themselves if they get rejected
    You are disgusting

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    • Hey there, sorry if this story upset you.

      However, this is a satirical website, and this story is poking fun at how glamorous the Eastern Suburbs have become – it wasn’t meant to make anyone feel bad.

      I hope you give us another chance, and maybe even have a laugh at some of our future stories.

      Best,

      Sydney Sentinel

      Like

  3. Lets hope life gets ugly for this bitch 🙂

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  4. FUNNY … also the comments from people who have no sense of humor equally funny 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Fuck yes another excuse not to do exercise! I’ll just do the Bondi to Beach Burrito instead =)

    Liked by 1 person

  6. If i am lucky enough to “once again do that walk” i am sure i’ll be let pass by Cloe -no products on hand- my build up muscles and toight ass, have allways been enough.

    So, bring it on Chloe!! Lets bounce that entry!!

    Hi from México.

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  7. Ugly lives matter!!!

    Sorry, I’m American… we use that chant for everydamnthing

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  8. How many people don’t have a sense of humor, that cannot tell satire from reality?

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  9. I’ve never cunt punted anyone before but this Chloe girl…..

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  10. Lol. I guess I was one of the ugly people living in eastern suburb 😉

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  11. It wasn’t my looks, I just paid for entry today when I pulled up in my yellow lambo… vanity has a price. See you around bikini cafe Chloe

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  12. If Chloe really was a Tamarama local she would know in the East you just do Bondi to Bronte walk with a green smoothie …I guess at 22 she has no idea and pays for fake followers and likes to sound more believable 😂😂

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