Sydney Olympic Park officials have consulted a shaman in a desperate attempt to breathe life into the cold concrete arena before tonight’s Guns N’ Roses concert.
The venue is avoided by most music fans despite the fact it is often the only place in Sydney to see some of the world’s biggest acts.
“We’ve tried everything!” one promoter said. “We just can’t seem to make the place feel alive, it’s simply sterile.”
With Guns N’ Roses playing tonight, we just can’t afford to let down fans by playing in a concrete jungle rather than a paradise city.
Guns N’ Roses fans have welcomed the move, saying it’s clear something needs to be done. “A huge depression comes over me the moment I get off the train at Olympic Park Station,” one concertgoer said. “It almost feels like the place is trying to steal my soul.”