A glorious Sydney day has forced thousands of people to leave the comfort and familiarity of their home because they feel like they have to.
“When I woke up with the sun in my eyes, I knew my day was ruined,” one Daceyville local said, adding that he’d planned to share a day on the couch and a few schooners of whiskey with his “best mate”, PornHub.
“The last nice day we had on a weekend, my wife dragged me out to do the Bondi to Coogee walk, but this Chloe chick banned me so we had to walk to Maroubra instead,” he said. “It was boring as with none of the hotties to perv at.”
Despite the man’s level-eight hangover, his wife has a full day of activities scheduled for him, including kayaking, snorkelling, water-skiing and hosting a BBQ for 80 people.
“I’ll have to decant a litre of vodka into a water bottle to have any chance of surviving this day,” the man said.