Commuters told to tackle people standing side-by-side on escalators

spear

People who ride side-by-side on elevators, blocking those stuck behind them, can expect to be spear tackled by fellow commuters from today, following new rules announced by City of Sydney officials.

The move comes after years of research from the University of Bankstown discovered that escalator blockers – along with taxi drivers and Lycra cyclists ­– were among the most likely to promote feelings of murder in inconvenienced Sydney-siders.

An NRL spokesperson welcomed the new rules, noting that they were a great way to get people fired up ahead of the new season.

“This is just another example of the kind of important life lessons we can all learn from the world’s greatest sport,” he said.

The pregnant, elderly and others incapable of performing a spear tackle will be given special privileges to simply shoot offenders in the face.

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