Ordinary-looking Sydney men are converting to hipsterism en masse after realising their odds of scoring a date are surprisingly increased by donning ironic football beanies and wooden glasses and growing bum-fluff moustaches if they’re skinny or full beards if they’re larger.
“Ugly is the new handsome,” one recent convert said. “Before I converted to hipsterism, I couldn’t score a hug in a brothel, but now I’m killing it!”
Another convert said being ugly on his own terms was empowering, but hard work.
“The carefully careless look can take up to eight hours some mornings,” the man said. “But luckily I don’t have a job, and the local dive bar doesn’t do a roll call.”
Regular good-looking hipsters haven’t been happy with the amount of attention their unfortunate-looking brethren have been receiving.
“It’s become impossible to compete with these guys,” one attractive hipster said. “I may have to take a few face plants off the skateboard I’ve never used to compete with these guys.”