Homophobes Come Out of the Closet to Campaign for No Vote

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The number of people coming out as homophobic has spiked dramatically ahead of the upcoming plebiscite on marriage equality, a support group has reported, warning that it is a dangerous time for the HBRXAS (homophobic, bigoted, racist, xenophobic, ageist, sexist) community.

“Both my dads disowned me when I told them I was homophobic and will be voting no,” one woman said. “I would’ve thought they’d be more supportive of my choices after all the discrimination they’ve faced themselves.”

However, others have described the process of coming out as “liberating”.

“I was nervous to come out to my family because I wasn’t sure they’d accept me, so it was a relief to discover I come from a long line of closeted homophobes,” one man said. “I’ve known I was homophobic since primary school, when I was calling kids who liked music fags and beating up any boy who lingered on a handshake too long, but it’s something I learned to push down and reduce to the occasional ‘sissy’ or ‘poof’ comment among select company, so I’m glad I can finally embrace my true political orientation and stop pretending to be something I’m not.”

When asked if he would like to add any further comments, the man said: “For the record, I’m definitely not gay myself.”

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