Calls to Ban Santa for Choosing to be a White Heterosexual Male

Santa

Santa Claus has been labelled as highly offensive for choosing to be a white heterosexual male, with furious protest groups demanding him to be banned immediately.

“We’ve put up with this macho Santa garbage since the third century,” one person with crippling offended pains said. “We’ve gone to great lengths to ensure that the non-denominational December celebration formerly known as Christmas doesn’t offend anyone, then he shows up and ruins everything by being a man.”

Several protestors began tearing down statues of Santa in their local shopping centre.

“These statues celebrate a man who gifts children based on their gender,” one protestor said. “His catchphrase, ‘ho ho ho’, shows how little respect he has for women.”

One shopping centre is planning to solve the problem by creating a Voltron-like version of Santa formed with five individuals of different genders, races, religious beliefs, disabilities and sizes.

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