Housemates Urged to Aim for Poo Stains Before Xmas Guests Arrive

ShareToilet

Male housemates in a share house in Sydney have been urged to aim for the poo stains built up inside their toilet, in an effort to make the dunny look respectable before guests arrive for Christmas catch-ups.

The man who came up with the idea said the toilet currently looked like they borrowed it from a three-day musical festival.

“I started to use the servo’s shitter across the road as even it was cleaner,” he said. “It was time to take action, and if we all do our part and focus our streams towards the offending chunks, we’ll soon have a Facebook chair sparkling like the eye of a pensioner hitting a 60-cent feature.”

Other housemates weren’t as optimistic about the plan.

“Look, it’s hard enough aiming inside the toilet let alone aiming for strategic targets within it,” one man said. “I think we’d be better to just chuck the whole thing out and buy a new one. It even smells dead.”

Another housemate said it would be better just to board up the bathroom door and make guests feel at home by inviting them to piss in the sink.

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Man Forced to Wash Hands as Colleague Enters Work Bathroom

wash hands

A Sydney man today has been forced to wash his soiled hands with soap and water after a colleague walked into the bathroom just as he exited his well-used cubical.

“Talk about bad timing,” the man said. “Now my hands smell like I’m some sort of fruit who wears fancy perfumes. It’s disgusting.”

A human-resources representative sympathised with the man but noted that there was no way of avoiding the “unfortunate incident”.

“We understand that the victim did the right thing and waited until all toilet patrons had left the bathroom before exiting the stall, but then this other bloke burst in out of nowhere and made eye contact with the man, forcing him to make a show of washing his hands,” the HR spokesperson said.

Staff were horrified when notified of the shocking incident.

“Christ,” said one man. “I’ve heard those taps have enough germs on them to take your hand off. It would’ve been better to wash his hands in the urinal with a trough lolly.”