Light Rail workers depressed about going back to work as project wraps up

Depression has kicked in for Sydney Light Rail workers as the multi-billion dollar project comes to an end after 22 years.

“I can’t even remember what my job was,” one tradie said. “But luckily I haven’t forgotten how to build a solid compo claim.”

Another worker slammed his peers for being so lazy.

“These men and women who sat around doing nothing the whole time only have themselves to blame,” the man said. “I put in the hard work and studied medicine on the job, so I’m looking forward to my future as an orthopaedic surgeon.”

A government spokesperson called for cooler heads, saying they have plenty more projects to keep workers busy doing nothing to help build projects vital to please their mates who own construction companies.

Blacktown Thrilled to be Awarded Top Spot for Dole Bludgers

DOLE BLUDGERS

The government today released a list of Australia’s top spots for dole bludging, with Blacktown being named as the number one town in NSW for not going to work yet expecting to be paid.

“We’re stoked to be awarded first place,” one Blacktown local and welfare lover said.

“Blacktown’s been doing it tough lately, and I think being number one in something will really give those in the community a reason to put their shoulders back and walk tall into Centrelink.”

The town will be holding a ticker tape parade tonight to celebrate their achievement.

One local told The Sydney Sentinel that even though he will be marching under the “compo claim” banner, his fake injury wouldn’t stop him from marching tonight unless he can’t be bothered to turn up.

More to come as the residents of Blacktown wake up this afternoon to hear the news…

Byron Bay Locals Rise Before 9AM to Thank Workers for Funding Their Lifestyle

HIPPIE

Byron Bay locals got out of bed before 9AM today to thank those in Sydney who have worked all year and paid taxes to help fund their Centrelink payments.

Some put on a dazzling show of fire twilling on their surfboards while others told The Sydney Sentinel they were “having a big smoke for those in the big smoke” in a public display of thanks in the lead up to the end of the financial year.

“These suited people die a little bit inside each and every day for us,” said one long-haired hippie, adding that had tried working once, appearing as a long-haired hippie on Russell Coight’s All Aussie Adventures, before deciding it wasn’t for him.

“You couldn’t pay me to go to work again, not even with money.”

Paramedics were on hand treating people with minor bongo-hand cramps, dandy soy latte overdoses and exhaustion from the early start.

A second day of solidarity with Sydney workers was planned but has been called off after a poor showing this morning when more than 90 per cent of Byron Bay locals called in sick.