Poor Kids on Santa’s Naughty List for 4,000th Year Straight

SantaList

Poor kids are simply not as nice as their wealthy counterparts, it has been proven once again this morning, with children from low-income families receiving far fewer presents than those from rich families.

“Santa couldn’t be clearer on the issue; if you’re on the nice list you get the good presents and lots of them, if you’re on the naughty list, you’re lucky to get a firm backhander,” a professor of Christmas at Penrith University said. “It just goes to show, kids who come from poorer families must simply be naughty and have low morals.”

One rich kid who received an iPhone X, a couple of Bitcoins and a Sale of the Century diamond stick pin said Santa mustn’t be able to see behind the dunnies at school.

“I spent all year skipping class and punching snow cones behind the gents, so I’ve got no idea how I got such a big haul,” he said. “Maybe there’s some sort of Santa pedo clause that stops him keeping an eye on children around bathrooms and such.”

Government officials have advised children from poorer families to pull their socks up, if they own any, and try not to be such terrible people in 2018.

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Dad says f– it and Leaves Xmas Tree up for Xmas 2017

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A local dad has given up pretending he will take the Christmas tree down, finally admitting to his family that it’s staying up ‘till next December, even if it smells like rotting anus.

After originally telling his wife he’d take the tree down on Boxing Day, then New Year’s Day, Australia Day and then Valentine’s Day, he broke down, admitting it was never going to happen and the family was just going to have to live with it.

“You’d think they be happy,” the man said. “We now have a designated place to have family arguments all year round, rather just on Christmas Day.”

He admitted he likely should have gone a fake tree, noting that he could skewer a full-sized doner kebab on one of the tree’s dried-up pine needles.

“In fact, I might do that, get back in the good books with the family,” he said.