Pest Can’t Stop Telling Everyone he’s only Betting $2

SmugPest

Trying to prove himself smarter than everyone else, a local Sydney man can’t stop telling everyone he has only bet $2 on the Melbourne Cup this year “for a bit a harmless fun”.

No one is quite sure why the man is so proud of placing the kind of bet your nana used to put on for you when you were at school.

“This reverse humble brag technique he’s going for makes him simply unrelatable,” one man said. “Most Australians have taken out Nimble loans for this special day that are so substantial we’ll have to hit the road and live in Asia for a few years if we don’t win.”

People who have had to endure previous Melbourne Cup events with the man said he still gets very stressed out during the race.

“He’s sweats bullets during the race,” one man said. “But unlike the rest of us, he’s praying his horse doesn’t win, so he doesn’t feel like an idiot for only punting $2. It’s no way to live.”

The man is also telling everyone that he will only be drinking sparkling water to celebrate the day’s festivities and won’t have a party pie as he brought a salad in from home.

Melbourne Cup: Ignore Boss Saying to Forget Work and Have Fun Today

The government has issued a scam warning today cautioning workers across Australia to ignore bosses who tell them to enjoy the Melbourne Cup and not worry about doing any work this afternoon.

Unfortunately, it has been confirmed that this is a known scam and your boss will still demand the work you were meant to be doing first thing tomorrow morning in a hangover-induced rage, between shouting contradictory catchphrases like “work doesn’t stop for the Melbourne Cup, pal”.

A Sydney man said he fell for this scam last year.

“When I arrived at work on Tuesday my boss gave me 20 or so jobs due the next morning,” the man said.

“So, I was going to spend the afternoon in the office until my boss strolled in after a liquid lunch, called me Un-Australian, and to immediately join him at the pub. H­e even informed me that he’d already put $350 on his own nose.”

“But first thing the next morning he demanded the work, even though he knew I was hanging with him in the bathroom and sometimes the pub for the whole afternoon.”

The man was swiftly fired.