Workers Return from Holidays Feeling Refreshed Hatred for their Jobs

HateJob

Billions of Sydneysiders have returned to work today feeling refreshed hatred for their jobs after experiencing two weeks of life outside the office.

One man said he’d always known going to work was “balls”, but that after enjoying such luxuries as seeing his wife and kids and eating lunch away from his keyboard over the Christmas break, he’d realised just how bad his working life was.

“The holidays showed me that life could actually be rather good if you removed the work bit,” he said. “My hatred for what I do and the people I do it with has been fully reinvigorated over the break.”

One woman said she’d spent the last fortnight of her two-week break in a constant panic attack, fearing her return to the office.

“The only thing getting me through is that there are only 50 weeks to go until next Christmas,” she said.

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Eye Contact Banned on Sydney Transport

eye-contact-train

Direct eye contact lasting more than three seconds with fellow passengers has been banned today on all Sydney transport, including train, bus and ferry travel, with an on-the-spot five-year prison sentence issued to anyone found violating the new law.

The rule is being introduced after surveys revealed that “other people” is most travellers’ biggest problem with public transport.

“I’d catch public transport more often if it weren’t for the other people,” said Carl Maxwell, who chooses to drive to work alone to avoid human contact. “I feel this eye-contact ban will really help reduce social anxiety levels and make people like me rethink my commuting habits.”

“It’s a good start, but more needs to be done,” regular train passenger Tim Rogers said. “Let’s ban looking up from your phone completely. It’s unnecessary and puts people on edge.”

The new law is the next step in the NSW government’s crackdown on anti-social social behaviour, which saw 5,000 people executed for talking violations last month.