Sydney Woman Who Visited NYC Once Urges her People to Stay Strong


A Sydney woman today made an emotional plea on her Facebook wall, urging people to stay strong following the terror attack in her “spiritual homeland”, New York City, where eight people were killed and eleven injured when a man intentionally drove a truck onto a bike path.

Even though the woman only visited the city for two days in 2007, and never left Times Square, she constantly referred to New York as “my city”.

“My heart goes out to all my amazing people in NYC,” the post began. “But we are strong, and I know firsthand that if you can make it there, you can make it anywhere.”

The woman further wrote that although at times she gets lost in the hustle of making it big, tragedies like this keep her grounded so she doesn’t forget who she is or where she came from, (ed’s note: Rose Bay) urging everyone to “stay real”.

The 10,000-word Facebook essay also included photos of her looking amazing in NYC while the friend she posed beside looked rubbish.

Man Dies from Shock after Receiving Bobs and Vagene Pics

A man died from category-12 shock in front of his computer today after actually receiving the “bobs and vagene pics” he had asked a stranger to send him.

A friend of the man said he was just a harmless sex pest who would be missed.

“He always started out innocently enough with a ‘hi butiful’ or ‘helo deer’,” his friend said. “But he soon came across too thirsty and said things like ‘send me nakde pic snow you bitch lasagna’ or ‘I want to kiss your vagana for 2 hrs and then put my 1 feet pinus in ur vegana u will happy’, which usually turned people off.”

Another acquaintance said that at least the man had died believing he was at the top of his game.

“He kept seeing screenshots of his conversations online, so he thought he must have been killing it,” the man said. “However, pride soon turned to anxiety as he was worried other men would steal his social-media pooner poetry. So, he went even harder on the attack.”

The woman who sent the pics is being charged with murder.

Man Asking for Paris Restaurant Recommendations on Facebook Admits he was Just Humblebragging


A Sydney man has revealed he didn’t really care what answers people gave to his question enquiring where a good Mexican-Italian-fusion-yum-cha-street-food truck is in Paris, and in fact was only asking the question so everyone knew he was in France and that he enjoys fancy cuisine that likely doesn’t even exist yet.

“I had to do it because my check-in at the Qantas Club Lounge didn’t get the attention it deserved,” said the 18-year-old stay-at-home son. “I even took a picture of my business class ticket poking out of my passport, with a slightly out of focus Champagne glass in the background and tagged it #BLESSED. People should be going out of their way to validate my existence.”

The man told The Sydney Sentinel that using his parents’ money to invest in himself is a “huge accomplishment” and that he should be praised for sitting on a plane for a long time as that’s “something poor people can’t afford to do, and if they could they would just buy drugs, but not the good ones I buy”.

He decided to come out and admit his attention-seeking post in order to seek more attention by featuring in the news.

Festive Facebook Message From Big Corporation Saves Christmas


A festive Facebook message from a giant global corporation saved Christmas for a Sydney man this morning when he opened Facebook to find the brand wishing him, his family and anyone he has ever crossed paths with a merry Christmas.

The pharmaceutical giant posted the message along with a snap of its branded anti-depressants tastefully arranged in the shape of a Christmas tree. “If it wasn’t for their heartfelt message, I would have spent the whole day in bed drinking eggnog like the rest of the year,” the man said.

Marketing expert Roger Johnson said corporations wishing a Merry Christmas on social media or email “spent a lot of time and money to mean what they carefully planned to say. Especially if you buy something from them.”

The Sydney man who had Christmas saved for him now plans to join the rest of his family looking down at their screens over a hot Christmas lunch in the sun.