A Sydney woman known for her elaborate hair styles, make-up, nail art and clothing has defended her obese status, explaining that she simply has “no time for exercise”.
“I put a lot of time and money into my appearance, but you can’t do everything and exercise is hard,” she said. “I’m not saying all the self-maintenance I do is easy, but at least I can do most of it sitting down.”
The woman admitted to spending an average of four hours and $1,000 a day maintaining her looks, ignoring advice from doctors who have suggested she could achieve a 2,000 per cent increase in attractiveness by simply eating some vegetables and going for short daily walks.
“Doctors are unhealthily fat-shaming people,” the woman said. “Men are so dazzled by my beautiful hair, nails, clothes and make-up they don’t notice that I have six chins and my belly rolls have belly rolls.”
Kanye West has divided the fashion world by sending the models in his Yeezy spring/summer 2017 Paris Fashion Week show down the runway completely naked.
While fashion bible Vogue described West’s latest ready-to-wear collection as a “modern case of the Emperor’s New Clothes”, bloggers were quick to leap to the rapper-turned-designer’s defence, calling West a “genius” and branding Vogue as “out of touch”.
“Yeezy has long stuck to a bland, skin-like palette of beige, tan, brown and black and this new collection is a bold evolution of the brand’s trademark aesthetic,” one blogger gushed. “Getting rid of the baggy, unflattering silhouettes featured in previous seasons and leaving us with nothing but skin was a stroke of pure genius.”
The collection is available online now, with pieces starting from US$12,000.
Checkpoints will be set up at the entrances to the popular coastal walk between Bondi to Coogee this weekend in a bid to weed out ugly people, sweaty runners and others who might ruin perfect selfie opportunities for beautiful people.
Chloe, a 22-year-old Tamarama local who describes herself as an “entrepreneur/model/beauty blogger”, will be responsible for policing the Bondi entrance to the walk on weekends.
“I’ve worked on the door at all of Sydney’s best clubs, so I really know the sorts of things to look out for,” she said in response to questions about her qualifications for the role. “If a woman isn’t wearing at least one Lululemon item and carrying a turmeric latte, it’s unlikely I’ll let her in.”
India, 19, whose LinkedIn profile describes her as an “entrepreneur/model/DJ”, will be stationed at the Coogee entrance. She described the job as “a fat-free cake walk”.
“The process of natural selection and rise of cheap injectables mean there aren’t a lot of ugly people in the eastern suburbs anyway,” she said, adding that she would simply be pointing “undesirables” towards the less-crowded Coogee to Maroubra walk.