Local who’s “never been wrong” discovers intelligent life inside echo chamber.

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A stay-at-home twelfth-year student has discovered comfort in an echo chamber within a TaxiBox storage unit outside his parents’ Sydney chateau.

“I’ve finally met that special someone who says exactly what I demand other people think,” the self-proclaimed woke-ologist said. “And that person happens to be the most respected life form I’ve ever met – me.”

The man, who insisted we mention he attended North Sydney Private School for the Private, slammed those who argue his viewpoints by adding ‘ophobe’ to any word to shame people into silence.

“Thank God – who doesn’t exist, mind you – the echo inside my storage container never disagrees with me,” the man who now also wants us to mention he’s a genius said. “This is my safe space.”

A TaxiBox spokesperson said the student had missed the point of its service providing a way to easily store or move belongings, but added that the company never judges the “creative” ways people choose to use its units. “However, we may make an exception this time for a laugh,” he said.

Dad Says F– it and Leaves Tree Up For Xmas 2019

A local dad has given up pretending he will take the Christmas tree down, finally admitting to his family that it’s staying up ‘till next December, even if it smells like rotting anus.

After originally telling his wife he’d take the tree down on Boxing Day, then New Year’s Day, Australia Day and then Valentine’s Day, he broke down, admitting it was never going to happen and the family was just going to have to live with it.

“You’d think they be happy,” the man said. “We now have a designated place to have family arguments all year round, rather just on Christmas Day.”

He admitted he likely should have gone a fake tree, noting that he could skewer a full-sized doner kebab on one of the tree’s dried-up pine needles.

“In fact, I might do that, get back in the good books with the family,” he said.