Light Rail workers depressed about going back to work as project wraps up

Depression has kicked in for Sydney Light Rail workers as the multi-billion dollar project comes to an end after 22 years.

“I can’t even remember what my job was,” one tradie said. “But luckily I haven’t forgotten how to build a solid compo claim.”

Another worker slammed his peers for being so lazy.

“These men and women who sat around doing nothing the whole time only have themselves to blame,” the man said. “I put in the hard work and studied medicine on the job, so I’m looking forward to my future as an orthopaedic surgeon.”

A government spokesperson called for cooler heads, saying they have plenty more projects to keep workers busy doing nothing to help build projects vital to please their mates who own construction companies.

Sydney Thought to be a Minecraft Simulation

minecraft sydney

Sydney’s never-ending construction projects are proof the city is not real and is likely a giant computer simulation created by a more sophisticated intelligence playing the popular world-building game Minecraft, according to top CSRIO scientists.

“Tearing down the monorail to build a light rail ‘just because’ or moving The Powerhouse Museum out to Parramatta is exactly something a bored Minecraft player would do,” one scientist said. “We’re clearly just a sandbox for some technologically advanced teenager having a bit of fun attempting to create a city in his or her spare time.”

Other scientists agree.

“The worst part about it all is that the being playing the Minecraft simulation is not very good at the game,” a researcher said. “Look at the place, there are cranes and construction going on everywhere and most of it doesn’t make any sense. Like the $38 million Albert ‘Tibby’ Cotter cycle and pedestrian bridge over Anzac Parade that isn’t used by cyclists or pedestrians.”

Sydneysiders are hoping the advanced species playing the game gives up soon or resets the whole thing and starts again.

Sydney Light Rail to be Demolished; Monorail to Return

Work on the $76821.3 billion Sydney Light Rail will cease today as the state government prepares to scrap the project to make way for a new monorail instead.

The new monorail will be the old monorail that was torn down in 2013, but with additional track to extend all the way to Port Macquarie on the New South Wales Mid North Coast.

The move came after someone at a state government board meeting thought to question the point of the Sydney Light Rail project and no one had an answer that could be said on the record.

Officials have promised that the monorail project, which is estimated to cost up to $900 trillion and predicted to close every major street in Sydney’s CBD until 2078, is in the best interest of tax payers and will cause “minimal obstruction” to traffic.

Demolition of the work that has already been completed on the Light Rail project is set to begin this week, with construction crews estimating that it could take as little as one day to undo work that has been causing increasing traffic issues over the past year.

“Luckily, we haven’t really done anything yet,” one construction worker said. “We pretty much just put up all the hoardings and hid behind them smoking darts all day. One fella even set up Mario Kart 64.”

No one is sure why, but all remaining trees along Anzac Parade will also be chopped down immediately.