95% of People Not Sure if we Lost or Gained Sleep for Daylight Savings


An overwhelming number of Sydney-siders are completely stumped about whether they lost or gained sleep when daylight savings ended this morning, a NASA study has revealed.

One Sydney man said he used the confusion to his advantage.

“Due to my phone’s clock changing automatically overnight, my body clock was confused, and I had no idea what time it ‘really’ was,” said the man. “I just told myself that 9am today time is probably more like 5pm or so yesterday time, so I took myself to the pub for a few schooners to help adjust.”

Other people chose to ignore the issue for now.

“Look, I’m not even going to worry about it today,” one woman said. “I’ll keep it up my sleeve and use daylight savings as an excuse to be four hours late to work on Tuesday.”

Daylight savings has been cited as the number-one reason for people waking up feeling horrible today, despite the fact that many have eaten nothing but pingers since knocking off work for the long weekend on Thursday afternoon.


Byron Bay Locals Rise Before 9AM to Thank Workers for Funding Their Lifestyle


Byron Bay locals got out of bed before 9AM today to thank those in Sydney who have worked all year and paid taxes to help fund their Centrelink payments.

Some put on a dazzling show of fire twilling on their surfboards while others told The Sydney Sentinel they were “having a big smoke for those in the big smoke” in a public display of thanks in the lead up to the end of the financial year.

“These suited people die a little bit inside each and every day for us,” said one long-haired hippie, adding that had tried working once, appearing as a long-haired hippie on Russell Coight’s All Aussie Adventures, before deciding it wasn’t for him.

“You couldn’t pay me to go to work again, not even with money.”

Paramedics were on hand treating people with minor bongo-hand cramps, dandy soy latte overdoses and exhaustion from the early start.

A second day of solidarity with Sydney workers was planned but has been called off after a poor showing this morning when more than 90 per cent of Byron Bay locals called in sick.