Sunday Drinkers Claim Hangover “Impossible” after Such a Nice Day

SundaySession

A group of men and women still going hard at it since meeting for a quiet Sunday lunch are telling themselves the perfect weather conditions have made them hangover proof.

One elbow-lifter said excessive Sunday alcohol consumption didn’t bother him one bit.

“Mate, it’s a nice day, the sun’s out, and we’re sticking to just booze, so there’s no chance in Punchbowl we’re going to wake up scooping vomit from our airways in the morning,” he said, adding that the group had been so busy knocking back pints of rum they’d forgotten about the food part of the lunch.

“Whoops! I guess we were a lot more thirsty than hungry and our bodies just really needed all that vitamin alcohol to feel some sort of joy before heading back into the forced labour-camps tomorrow.”

Unbeknownst to the rest of the group, one member, who had just pulled $300 out of the Queen of the Nile, confided to The Sydney Sentinel that he’d made a Wickr order for a bag of Bolivian smelling salts and things were likely to take an exciting turn.

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Deadset Legend Brings a Handball to Work

HighBounce

A Sydney man has been labelled an “absolute fucking legend” for bringing his Spalding High-Bounce Handball into work this week.

Both players and spectators said that introducing Australia’s favourite school-ground game into the corporate world was nothing short of trouser shattering.

“It’s up there with putting my pay cheque through the pokies on a Friday lunch break,” one man said. “We’re going to double dump some Ritalin tomorrow to truly relive those magical school years.”

Management has also applauded the game.

“People are not only getting to the office on time, but they’re rocking up three hours early to play the game before work,” one human resource manager said. “Although, one woman lost the top of her fingers unleashing a devastating 800-kay-per-hour skimmer.”

Play is sadly on hold for the rest of the day as the ball was lost after some idiot hit a full into the bushes during a death match.