Man Questioned After Returning Home at 3 am Smelling Shower Fresh


A Sydney man has undergone intense questioning this morning after he returned home from having “a few quiet ones with the boys” at 3 am smelling shower fresh.

The man’s wife said it was “obvious” he’d been to the hand-job hut that recently opened between their home and the local pub.

“Since that rub-and-tug shop popped up, he comes home smelling radioactively fresh after any outing that involves booze,” she said. “But the man is a grub no matter how much dishwashing liquid they disinfect him with.”

While the man managed not to crack under his wife’s interrogation, he responded to an email query from The Sydney Sentinel with: “just between you and me, mate, I did get some harmless fun on my way home”.

“It’s those damn music video clips they have playing in the pub,” he said. “They’re basically musical pornos. Even before this new joint opened up, there were already 28 brothels and 12 Thai massage parlours in the two blocks between my house and the pub. It’s hard enough to get past them all sober but try doing it with 780 or so schooners under the belt – it’s harder than the Ninja Warrior challenge.”

Men’s “harmless fun” has been proven to be the number-one cause of harm for Australian women for the 80th consecutive year, according to a CSIRO report.

Man Furious After Discovering Legit Thai Massage Parlour

One Sydney office worker was furious today after wasting his lunch break getting an actual Thai massage at a Thai massage parlour.

“She suddenly said I was done, but I was far from finished!” the man said. “She massaged every part of my body except the one part that was standing to attention.”

The man said he plans to warn others about his misfortune by writing a damning review on the internet.

A NSW Fair Trade ombudsman said an investigation was underway.

“I’m appalled by the actions of this so-called parlour,” he said. “The good news is that, for once, local, state and federal government all agree action needs to be taken immediately.”