Man Between Netflix Shows Turns to Drugs to Fill Void


A man who recently finished watching a series on Netflix and is still searching for a new show has turned to drugs to fill the hole that has been left in his life.

“The worst part was that I didn’t realise I had watched the finale of the most recent season until I went to watch the next episode and there wasn’t one,” the man said. “I spent the next few hours flipping through Netflix and Stan before an overwhelming sense of indecision and panic forced me to turn off the TV and take the edge off with a relaxing ice pipe.”

The man said realising that he’d watched the latest season of his favourite show and the new season wouldn’t start for at least a year felt “like a bad break-up when you’re in one of those confusing on-and-off relationships”.

“It’s a bit like grieving,” he said. “I’m still getting flashbacks and thinking often of all the characters and the good times we shared, but I’m worried those memories will soon start to fade.”

The man tried reading a book “out of desperation” but had to stop after suffering chronic imagination pains.


Man Finishes Movie Snacks Before Movie Starts


A Sydney movie goer who purchased a jumbo popcorn and Coke to enjoy throughout his Thursday night flick has managed to demolish all his treats during the trailers.

To make matters worse, the man said this was not the first time it’s happened.

“Last time I floored all my snacks before even making it to my seat, so this was a slight improvement,” the man said. “However, with ads and trailers pushing 90 minutes these days, I feel like I never had a chance to begin with.”

The man confirmed that after dropping $430 on tickets and snacks, he wasn’t in a financial position to get a choc-top reinforcement to see him into the actual movie.

His Facebook suggestion to show the trailers after the movie was met with a firm “no” from cinemas.

Foreign Movie Hailed a Masterpiece Before Filming Begins


Critics have described a foreign film set to be released in 2021 as “a masterpiece”, even though it is still in pre-production and nothing about the movie has been disclosed except that it will be in several languages other than English and only shown three times at Dendy Newtown.

“We’ve heard rumors that every sentence will be in a mixture of Spanish, ancient Egyptian and Klingon,” a Sydney-based film critic and barista said. “It makes me feel intelligent when I pretend to laugh at obscure jokes that other people in the cinema don’t understand and I simply can’t wait to feel superior when this instant classic is released.”

Not much is known about the plot yet, however the director said it would make viewers question their sexuality, feel depressed and contemplate suicide by the time the end credits roll.

Film buffs have shared the excitement of critics.

“If a movie is easily understood by common folk it’s always trash, so the rumours that this film will be impossible to understand or enjoy excites me from my topknot to my toes,” one self-proclaimed cinephile said. “I feel seeing this movie will allow me to rubbish regular cinema-goers’ opinions for years to come. I can’t wait.”

SBS has already bought the rights to screen the film after it hits cinemas, and has stated that anyone who doesn’t like the film is a racist.