A local swimmer today decided to skip his daily 100-metre swim session and get straight into walking about the pool change room with his doodle hanging out for a few hours.
The man said he may never get in the water again.
“My favourite part of training is walking about the change room completely nude after my swim, staring at everyone in the eye,” he said. “So today, I thought I’d cut the swimming part out completely and get straight down to business.”
The man is not alone in his love of getting his dong out after a few laps.
“I have a coffee, read the newspaper for a bit and strike up a few conversations with the squad kids in the gents before I even think about putting on some undies,” he said. “Those blokes who awkwardly get changed behind a towel should be banned.”
Several local councils have told The Sydney Sentinel they’re thinking of getting rid of the pool from their aquatic facilities altogether, to make way for additional change rooms.
Curly moustachioed folk have begun masturbating exclusively to vintage pornography magazines foraged from local parks or under an uncle’s bed, a special Sydney Sentinel investigation can reveal.
“PornHub is so mainstream,” a hipster spokesman said. “Magazines have a certain smell and feel that you simply can’t recreate with a video.”
The spokesman took our investigative team to a local park he described as a “beardmine” for dumped porno magazines, where after a 20-minute hunt we discovered a 1992 edition of The Picture magazine, soggy and faded from the elements.
Unfortunately, no further comment was given as our hipster guide raced home in his fixed-gear car immediately after his discovery.
Kanye West has divided the fashion world by sending the models in his Yeezy spring/summer 2017 Paris Fashion Week show down the runway completely naked.
While fashion bible Vogue described West’s latest ready-to-wear collection as a “modern case of the Emperor’s New Clothes”, bloggers were quick to leap to the rapper-turned-designer’s defence, calling West a “genius” and branding Vogue as “out of touch”.
“Yeezy has long stuck to a bland, skin-like palette of beige, tan, brown and black and this new collection is a bold evolution of the brand’s trademark aesthetic,” one blogger gushed. “Getting rid of the baggy, unflattering silhouettes featured in previous seasons and leaving us with nothing but skin was a stroke of pure genius.”
The collection is available online now, with pieces starting from US$12,000.