Drug Dealers Selling Berocca for $300 a tab

HangoverMan

Chemists are taking advantage of today’s spike in Christmas-party hangovers by charging dull-eyed customers up to $300 for a single tablet of Berocca.

One office worker who has yet to go to bed after enjoying “a few beers” at his Christmas party, which began yesterday morning and continued on into the afternoon, evening and then morning again, said he was being exploited by his local pharmacy.

“They’re the worst type of drug dealers,” the bloody-nosed man said. “But with my only other option being cutting my head off to dull the pain, I had to pay up.”

Another office workers who overdid things by a Penrith mile said he refused to pay his legal drug dealer for the mild relief.

“I’m just going to keep drinking and never stop,” he said. “That way I’ll never have a hangover again.”

Shares in Berocca tablets are set to rival the rise of cryptocurrency Bitcoin, according to early reports.

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Chronic Pain Complaints on The Rise as Medical Marijuana Legalised

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Doctors are reporting a sharp increase in the number of patients seeking treatment for chronic pain following a landmark ruling legalising medical marijuana.

The ruling by the Therapeutic Goods Administration, which is set to come into effect in November, will allow those suffering from chronic pain to apply for a licence to purchase medical marijuana from all leading retailers. Pre-registration for the licence began this week.

One city-based GP denied the new laws had any relation to the increase in the number of people seeking pain relief. “Sadly, there’s just a lot of pain in the world,” he said. “In fact, I’ve had a bit of a niggling back injury myself… and so has my wife.”

Reactions from the public have been mixed, with one Newtown resident describing the ruling as “a classic case of the government doing too little too late”.

“What a joke. We’ve all moved on from marijuana, it barely treats a headache these days,” he said. “If the government really cared about people in pain, they’d legalise medical oxycodone, fentanyl, and heroin. Marijuana is for kids.”