Housemates Urged to Aim for Poo Stains Before Xmas Guests Arrive


Male housemates in a share house in Sydney have been urged to aim for the poo stains built up inside their toilet, in an effort to make the dunny look respectable before guests arrive for Christmas catch-ups.

The man who came up with the idea said the toilet currently looked like they borrowed it from a three-day musical festival.

“I started to use the servo’s shitter across the road as even it was cleaner,” he said. “It was time to take action, and if we all do our part and focus our streams towards the offending chunks, we’ll soon have a Facebook chair sparkling like the eye of a pensioner hitting a 60-cent feature.”

Other housemates weren’t as optimistic about the plan.

“Look, it’s hard enough aiming inside the toilet let alone aiming for strategic targets within it,” one man said. “I think we’d be better to just chuck the whole thing out and buy a new one. It even smells dead.”

Another housemate said it would be better just to board up the bathroom door and make guests feel at home by inviting them to piss in the sink.


Man Forgets He’s not at Work and Pisses All Over Home Toilet


A Sydney man this morning has had an embarrassing blunder after he pissed all over his home toilet seat, floor, hand towel, roof, vanity mirror and a bit out the window after forgetting he wasn’t at work.

“I was on autopilot ­– or maybe it was auto fire,” the man said. “I simply forgot where I was and proceeded to make an absolute mockery of my home toilet as if I was at work. It was lucky I didn’t go all out and unleash an upper decker on myself.”

The woman the man brought home the night before said she wouldn’t be returning.

“I thought he was having a shower by the sound of it all,” she said. “But instead of a towel and a fresh coat of deodorant, the man returned to the bedroom with urine-beaded track pants and a dripping chin. It was time to call the morning a night and leave.”

The gentleman has told the Sydney Sentinel that he’ll be closing the bathroom door and using the toilet at the servo for the weekend while things “naturally dry out, hopefully”.

Horror Start for Monday Morning as Boss Joins Man at Urinal


A lowly CBD office worker has had the worst start possible to the working week he’d been dreading since awakening at 2pm Sunday afternoon, when his boss struck up a conversation while using an adjacent urinal first thing Monday morning.

“It was agony,” the victim said. “Our office urinals don’t even have those little trough-mist shields between stations, so stage fright kicked in the moment I was hit with steaming wee shrapnel – and things never resumed.”

The fact that there were plenty of free urinals that weren’t directly next to the victim made it particularly uncomfortable, the man said.

“He chose to use the one right next to me and say crude things about the women in the office. One of those women is my wife and if what he said was true, I’ll be asking for the same service when we get home.”

The standoff was said to last seven minutes as the office worker tried everything to squeeze out even just a few drops as his boss watched on.

The man plans to abandon the urinal all together and use the privacy of a fully enclosed poo cubical from now on.