Sunday Drinkers Claim Hangover “Impossible” after Such a Nice Day

SundaySession

A group of men and women still going hard at it since meeting for a quiet Sunday lunch are telling themselves the perfect weather conditions have made them hangover proof.

One elbow-lifter said excessive Sunday alcohol consumption didn’t bother him one bit.

“Mate, it’s a nice day, the sun’s out, and we’re sticking to just booze, so there’s no chance in Punchbowl we’re going to wake up scooping vomit from our airways in the morning,” he said, adding that the group had been so busy knocking back pints of rum they’d forgotten about the food part of the lunch.

“Whoops! I guess we were a lot more thirsty than hungry and our bodies just really needed all that vitamin alcohol to feel some sort of joy before heading back into the forced labour-camps tomorrow.”

Unbeknownst to the rest of the group, one member, who had just pulled $300 out of the Queen of the Nile, confided to The Sydney Sentinel that he’d made a Wickr order for a bag of Bolivian smelling salts and things were likely to take an exciting turn.

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Mobile Pokie Service Uber VIP launches

VIP CAB

Uber today announced the launch of Uber VIP, a fleet of customised cars that have had their passenger seats removed and replaced with poker machines.

Uber VIP, which is set to appear as on option on mobile services later this month, will work the same as current Uber services but with the added bonus that passengers will be able to have a flutter en route to wherever they’re going, whether that be a TAB, racetrack or pub lounge.

“Each pokie comes with all the essentials,” an Uber spokesperson said. “Passengers will be able to choose from games such as Where’s the… Gold, More Chilli, 5 Dragons, and of course Australia’s favourite foreigner, the Queen of the Nile.”

A government spokesperson said the move was “long overdue”, claiming “Sydney-siders will now be able to have a night out, on their way out”.

If passengers get carried away and can no longer afford their fare at the end of the ride, the driver will personally escort them to the nearest casino, where they will have the opportunity to win back the fare using their home, jewellery or any other items of value they might possess as a deposit.

If the scheme is successful, the NSW government has pledged to add the VIP service to Sydney’s upcoming light rail network.

Pokies by The Sea to Compete with Sculpture by The Sea

pokiesbythesea

Maroubra council is set to launch Pokies by the Sea, a new beach-side exhibition designed to rival the hugely popular Sculpture by the Sea event currently taking place along the coastal path between Bondi to Bronte.

Organisers have promised to include “all the classic titles, such as Big Red and More Chilli” in the exhibition, which will line the coastal path from north to south Maroubra.

Critics have praised the move as “genius”, with one expert describing the exhibition as “an interactive experience that invites the everyman to appreciate art”.

There will be more than 400 sculptures lining the coastline, complete with bar and ATM facilities.