Creating random, collage-style film clips using every technique learned at art school does not make you a creative genius, a new study has found.
The CSIRO study, conducted by a brave scientist who agreed to endure a marathon A Clockwork Orange-style viewing of Rage, found that being strange for the sake of being strange and a misunderstanding of what it means to be ironic were endemic issues.
“It was a horror show of senseless imagery, grotesque pastiches and blatant rip-offs, all presented with a faux-ironic wink,” he said. “I failed to identify a single memorable tune, charismatic frontman or epic guitar riff.”
The study comes as a timely reminder that wearing a 1980s-style pastel suit paired with a tea cosy as a hat is more likely to be a desperate cry for attention than a sign of individuality.
Australian Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull was sent to a detention centre on Manus Island overnight after he was unable to name a single song when asked to nominate a favourite track by iconic rock band AC/DC in an interview following the death of founding guitarist Malcolm Young.
Former NSW Premier Mike Baird, who cited “Dirty deeds done dirt cheap” as the song that inspired his career, was quick to put his hand up for the top role.
“I retired from politics to help members of my family through serious illness six months ago but everyone’s fine now,” he said. “It’s amazing what $887,000 can do for your health.”
Baird has already launched his election campaign, promising to get the greyhound racing industry “back in [the] black” and everything else in the country “on the highway to hell” in record time.
Turnbull issued a statement saying that he could reel off the name of every piece ever written by Mozart, Beethoven and Bach “like every other regular Aussie bloke” and shouldn’t be punished for this one small lapse in cultural knowledge.
Bucking the trend of playing for more than four hours at many of his shows, Bruce Springsteen has thrown a curveball by playing a nine-minute set of cover songs at the Hunter Valley’s Hope Estate Vineyard on Saturday night.
The E Street Band, seemingly unimpressed with the change of direction, walked off stage mid-way through a cover of Cyndi Lauper’s Girls Just Want to Have Fun.
“I felt my long performances filled with my own personal back catalogue of hits was getting stale, and that now was the time for me to reinvent myself with an intimate set of cover songs lasting less than 10 minutes,” Springsteen said. “Mind you, I did start wine tasting at 4am in the Hunter Valley before the show, so my judgement may have been a bit rocky.”
Concert goers didn’t have much to say about the new approach, with most passing out due to alcohol poisoning between the warm up acts featuring Diesel and Jet.
Progressive post-rock band We Lost the Sea is tonight set to perform live at the Newtown Social Club in Sydney, in a move the music industry has described as “novel and brave”
“There’s a reason ‘rock ‘n’ roll’ comes last in the biblical saying ‘sex and drugs and rock ‘n’ roll’,” the band’s manager said. “But rock is all about rebelling and tonight, we’re putting the music first.”
Band members said they were relaxed about the upcoming gig, despite not having touched their instruments since a promotional photo shoot three years ago.
“Tuning a guitar can’t be as hard as tuning a hot girl, so I think we’ll be okay,” the bass player said.
The Newtown shows is set to be the band’s second last Australian appearance before beginning a European tour where the manager says they “might also play a few gigs”.
One of the band’s three guitarists has left the band in protest of the sex break.
Some lucky Guns N’ Roses fans are planning to make it a double header by beginning and ending a night with Axl, Slash, Duff and the boys, as the band announces its first trip back to Australia since ’93.
“We didn’t even plan it or nothing,” said one man, who only identified himself as Robbo, swigging back a leftover KB Lager. “We just kinda, you know, kicked on from a good show and suddenly before we’ve called it a night, the boys are calling it another day!”
A second man, who goes by the name “just Ben. You know, like Kylie or Agro”, said he was stunned by news the band was returning in February. “We were just about to go home, you know, make it nice and even 20-something years, didn’t want to get too carried away, but after hearing the radio advertisement on the radio on the pub radio I just knew I had to dig deep and power on until the next show,” he said.
Sadly, William, the third member of the group, who was still wearing brown and orange Aussie Flag shorts (that looked as if they might have once been green and gold) from the big night in ’93, was unconscious the entire time the Sydney Sentinel spent with the loveable threesome at the Rooty Hill Casino.