White Activists Claim Black Friday is Racist

BLACK FRIDAY

Sydney-based activist group White Activists for People of Colour has described the annual Black Friday shopping event as “racist”, claiming that it implies black people can only afford to buy goods when they’re on sale.

“We were so excited to find something new to be offended by on other people’s behalf,” one activist said. “We’ve planned a peaceful riot this afternoon and promise no flag will be left unburned until everyone thinks the way we do.”

Another group member also claimed the event should not have assumed the day’s unit of time as Friday.

“How can we know for sure that this particular moment of the rotation of the earth’s axis wants to identify itself as ‘Friday’?” the spokesperson said.

The whole event has been claimed as one of the greatest discoveries of offensiveness this decade.

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Sydney Tower and Other Major Landmarks to be Relocated to Western Sydney

moving-sydney-things

Central Sydney is set to become a suburban wasteland within the next five years, according to leaked documents revealing plans to relocate the Sydney Harbour Bridge, Sydney Tower and other major landmarks to western Sydney.

The plans date back to 1998 when the Royal Easter Show was moved to Sydney Olympic Park at Homebush Bay after being held in Moore Park for 116 years, a whistleblower revealed.

“The idea was to move all of these big-ticket events and buildings out to western Sydney so we could sell off the land to developers at premium rates,” he said, speaking exclusively to Sydney Sentinel. “Soon all that will be left in what we currently know as Sydney’s CBD will be apartments and casinos.

The whistleblower said he became concerned after approved plans to move the Powerhouse Museum from its historic site in Ultimo to an old car park in Parramatta inspired developers to start targeting bigger landmarks, including Taronga Zoo, Bondi Beach and Luna Park.

“It really was a powerhouse move on behalf of the planners,” he said. “None of us thought we’d get away with it. Things really started to escalate after that.”

Many of the more lucrative landmarks, including the Royal Randwick Racecourse, will be relocated to western Sydney, while others, like the Wentworth Park greyhound-racing track, will simply be shut down.

The New South Wales Premier said the moves were not financially motivated.

“We want to make it clear that Sydney isn’t for sale – there’s not much left to sell,” he said.