Man Between Netflix Shows Turns to Drugs to Fill Void

NetflixSads

A man who recently finished watching a series on Netflix and is still searching for a new show has turned to drugs to fill the hole that has been left in his life.

“The worst part was that I didn’t realise I had watched the finale of the most recent season until I went to watch the next episode and there wasn’t one,” the man said. “I spent the next few hours flipping through Netflix and Stan before an overwhelming sense of indecision and panic forced me to turn off the TV and take the edge off with a relaxing ice pipe.”

The man said realising that he’d watched the latest season of his favourite show and the new season wouldn’t start for at least a year felt “like a bad break-up when you’re in one of those confusing on-and-off relationships”.

“It’s a bit like grieving,” he said. “I’m still getting flashbacks and thinking often of all the characters and the good times we shared, but I’m worried those memories will soon start to fade.”

The man tried reading a book “out of desperation” but had to stop after suffering chronic imagination pains.

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Showbag Containing Xanax Becomes Bestseller at Royal Easter Show

SHOWBAGS

The newly introduced Pfizer showbag has smashed previous records to become the bestselling showbag in the history of the Sydney Royal Easter Show.

The showbag, which contains Xanax, Valium and a novelty blow-up backhander palm, has been scooped up by parents, with a Show spokesperson noting many parents have purchased as many as 400.

“We thought it would do okay, but this is amazing,” she said. “It’s truly made a mockery of the previous champ, the Wizard’s Whopper, which now looks a bit limp.”

The Sydney Sentinel’s Sydney Royal Easter Show correspondent visited the show yesterday but couldn’t get any comments from the thousands of drooling parents roaming the grounds, with many passing out before even making it out of the showbag pavilion.

For those who can’t make this year’s Sydney Royal Easter Show, the Pfizer showbag is selling on eBay for triple the price.