Professional wrestling, once thought to be a kind of performance art combining athletics with theatrics, is a real sport, a bullet-proof CSIRO report has confirmed.
Sydney wrestler Ben Hurt said he was surprised by the report’s findings, but only because he hadn’t realised people thought what he did for a living was fake.
“This sure helps explain a few things,” he said. “I nearly ended it all after the crowd cheered for my then-best friend when he beat me half to death with a chair and then announced he was sleeping with my wife.”
Local wrestler Big Potato agreed that the assumptions behind the report were the most surprising thing about it.
“I can’t believe people thought wrestling had predetermined outcomes like boxing,” he said. “Hopefully this will bring in more crowds so some of us, like The Undertaker, The Repo Man and Doink the Clown won’t have to work second jobs to make ends meet.”
There is now a push to have professional wrestling in the Tokyo 2020 Olympic Games.