A stay-at-home twelfth-year student has discovered comfort in an echo chamber within a TaxiBox storage unit outside his parents’ Sydney chateau.
“I’ve finally met that special someone who says exactly what I demand other people think,” the self-proclaimed woke-ologist said. “And that person happens to be the most respected life form I’ve ever met – me.”
The man, who insisted we mention he attended North Sydney Private School for the Private, slammed those who argue his viewpoints by adding ‘ophobe’ to any word to shame people into silence.
“Thank God – who doesn’t exist, mind you – the echo inside my storage container never disagrees with me,” the man who now also wants us to mention he’s a genius said. “This is my safe space.”
A TaxiBox spokesperson said the student had missed the point of its service providing a way to easily store or move belongings, but added that the company never judges the “creative” ways people choose to use its units. “However, we may make an exception this time for a laugh,” he said.
Hipsters are moving away from the overly stylised lifestyles they are known for and embracing minimalism, according to a new report, which notes that many have made the switch overnight by simply packing everything they own into self-storage boxes.
“Minimalism is heaps easier than being a hipster,” one overnight convert said. “I save heaps of time in the morning now that I’ve packed away my beard wax and cold-drip-coffee maker. I don’t even have to make my bed in the morning because I don’t have one anymore.”
Veteran converts who have been minimalists “at least a week” describe their transition to the trend as more of an “authentic evolution”.
“It was a natural progression from fixed-gear bike to no-gear bike and then no bike at all,” one man said. “Next I got rid of my thick-rimmed glasses, because I have perfect eyesight anyway, and my typewriter, because I can’t write.”
The man said he has gotten used to living without any furniture or bedding but admitted that even he had packed some essential items – such as a collection of ironic T-shirts, colourful knitted jumpers and knee-length socks – into a self-storage box for safekeeping.
Hipster minimalist converts are currently favouring TAXIBOX because it requires hardly any work or original thought, as “all the most cool and original people are doing it”.