Toenail clippers have sold out across NSW as men begin their yearly trim for the summer thong season. The shortage has seen the price of clippers rise to a record high of $3.95 in some Sydney supermarkets, forcing thousands of men to wear closed-toe shoes until the price stabilises.
Dedicated thong wearers are biting the bullet, however, with one Botany local saying he’d even invested in a set of double-strength clippers ahead of this year’s trim.
“I usually don’t stop cutting until I see blood, so I’m surprised how long they’ve gotten in just a year,” he said. “I could cut a sandwich with this one!”
Redfern electrician Peter Smith told the Sydney Sentinel skipping a year had proven costly for him.
“I took a year off as I didn’t want to come across as some fruity hipster,” he said. “But I won’t do that again as I just ended up tunnelling through all my socks.”
More than 100 people have died in a horror start to the summer beach season at Bondi, where lifeguards have been preoccupied with filming new episodes of Channel Ten’s Bondi Rescue.
“Unfortunately, not all rescues make for good TV and we have to prioritise those that do,” one Bondi lifeguard said. “If you plan on visiting our beach and you’re not a strong swimmer, make sure you’ve got a fit rig and a decent tan. We air at dinnertime, you know.”
A Waverley Council spokesperson has labelled the deaths as “unfortunate but unavoidable collateral damage in the name of entertainment”, noting that “an entire episode full of lifeguards rescuing people makes for dull viewing”.
“People want to know more about the lifeguards’ personal lives, or watch them hoon around on a beach buggy looking for a tidy bit of crumpet,” he said.