A stay-at-home twelfth-year student has discovered comfort in an echo chamber within a TaxiBox storage unit outside his parents’ Sydney chateau.
“I’ve finally met that special someone who says exactly what I demand other people think,” the self-proclaimed woke-ologist said. “And that person happens to be the most respected life form I’ve ever met – me.”
The man, who insisted we mention he attended North Sydney Private School for the Private, slammed those who argue his viewpoints by adding ‘ophobe’ to any word to shame people into silence.
“Thank God – who doesn’t exist, mind you – the echo inside my storage container never disagrees with me,” the man who now also wants us to mention he’s a genius said. “This is my safe space.”
A TaxiBox spokesperson said the student had missed the point of its service providing a way to easily store or move belongings, but added that the company never judges the “creative” ways people choose to use its units. “However, we may make an exception this time for a laugh,” he said.
Hipsters are moving away from the overly stylised lifestyles they are known for and embracing minimalism, according to a new report, which notes that many have made the switch overnight by simply packing everything they own into self-storage boxes.
“Minimalism is heaps easier than being a hipster,” one overnight convert said. “I save heaps of time in the morning now that I’ve packed away my beard wax and cold-drip-coffee maker. I don’t even have to make my bed in the morning because I don’t have one anymore.”
Veteran converts who have been minimalists “at least a week” describe their transition to the trend as more of an “authentic evolution”.
“It was a natural progression from fixed-gear bike to no-gear bike and then no bike at all,” one man said. “Next I got rid of my thick-rimmed glasses, because I have perfect eyesight anyway, and my typewriter, because I can’t write.”
The man said he has gotten used to living without any furniture or bedding but admitted that even he had packed some essential items – such as a collection of ironic T-shirts, colourful knitted jumpers and knee-length socks – into a self-storage box for safekeeping.
Hipster minimalist converts are currently favouring TAXIBOX because it requires hardly any work or original thought, as “all the most cool and original people are doing it”.
A 37-year-old man has had a TaxiBox self-storage unit delivered to his parents’ home, where he’s been living for the past 37 years, as part of an elaborate plan to avoid Star Wars: The Last Jedi spoilers.
The man, who described himself as “a modern-day Jedi with a thyroid problem”, said his plan to hide in a self-storage unit for the next 279 days until the movie’s release was “a no-brainer for any serious Star Wars fan”.
“The only way to avoid spoilers is to become one with the force, which is a Jedi way of saying ‘hiding in a box’ for a while,” the man said.
He plans on using Jedi mind tricks, also known as playing Guess Who? against himself, and doing plenty of self-lightsaber practice to keep himself occupied until the movie’s December 15 release.
A spokesperson for TaxiBox told The Sydney Sentinel that this isn’t the first case of someone excluding themselves from society to avoid movie spoilers, with one Avatar fan being held in TaxiBox safekeeping since 2009, after going in expecting the sequel in “a year or so”.
“Lucky for our latest resident, Star Wars: The Last Jedi has a firm release date,” the spokesperson said, noting that the man was fortunate to also have no friends, job or exercise schedule to interfere with his time inside.
To arrange your own spoiler-free Jedi Temple, contact TaxiBox.
Savvy first homebuyers looking to get into the not-being-homeless market in Sydney after today’s Federal Budget announcement have begun investing in “alternative housing”, with self-storage boxes from companies such as TaxiBox emerging as a popular choice.
“I was originally going to store my stuff and sleep on the street but then I saw the words ‘self storage’ on the box and had a light-bulb moment – why not literally store my self?” one proud new homeowner said. “I’m from the eastern suburbs so most of my friends were gifted an apartment or two for their 18th birthday, but my parents are just regular millionaire Aussie battlers, so I’ve had to fend for myself since graduating from Cranbrook.”
While critics have bemoaned the lack of natural light and air, real estate agents have embraced the trend, with one listing a TaxiBox self-storage container as a “New York-style blank canvas with outstanding potential to add value”, noting that the company “even brings your new home to you – who else offers a service like that?”.