Hipster Shamed by Spotify Time Capsule Full of Pop Music

hipster

A Newtown hipster was mortally embarrassed today when it was revealed his Spotify Time Capsule – a new feature that generates a playlist of songs that take you back to your teenage years based on your listening history ­– was full of trashy pop music.

The man tried to play the ironic card, but the damage had been done.

“I’ve dedicated my life to carefully crafting the way other people think of me. My whole apartment is full of milk crates containing B-side vinyl,” the hipster said with thick vocal fry. “So, to be undone by an app truly puts a spanner in the fixed-gear works.”

Guests at the vegan barbecue where the playlist was broadcast were horrified.

“We were all just practising our chilling-out poses while drinking longies from brown paper bags and then S Club 7’s Don’t Stop Moving came on. Imagine one of us accidently tapped our feet!” one guest said.

“Laying down a track at a barbecue that someone has heard before is embarrassing enough, but a charting pop song? He’s gone.”

The hipster is scheduled to be excommunicated at a ceremony where his beard will be removed with a blowtorch for bringing shame on his people.

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95% of People Not Sure if we Lost or Gained Sleep for Daylight Savings

daylight

An overwhelming number of Sydney-siders are completely stumped about whether they lost or gained sleep when daylight savings kicked in this morning, a NASA study has revealed.

One Sydney man said he had used the confusion to his advantage.

“Due to my phone’s clock changing automatically overnight, my body clock was confused, and I had no idea what time it ‘really’ was,” said the man. “I just told myself that 9am today time is probably more like 5pm or so yesterday time, so I took myself to the pub for a few schooners to help adjust.”

Other people were choosing to ignore the issue for now.

“Look, I’m not even going to worry about it today,” one woman said. “I’ll keep it up my sleeve and use daylight savings as an excuse to be four hours late to work on Tuesday.”

Daylight savings has been cited as the number-one reason for people waking up feeling horrible today, despite the fact that many have eaten nothing but pingers since knocking off work for the long weekend on Friday morning.