Netflix and Chill Session Ruined by Sex


A Sydney man who invited a woman to Netflix and chill last night said the evening was ruined when his date interrupted the viewing session with a binge sex marathon.

“I hardly got to watch any Netflix and the evening certainly wasn’t chill,” the man said. “We were joining Russel on one of his ‘All Aussie Adventures’ when my female friend removed my trousers and I missed the rest of the episode.”

The man is not the only one to have had an innocent evening ruined by intercourse.

“The last guy who invited me to Netflix and chill opened the door wearing just an erection,” one women said. “I later discovered he didn’t even own a TV.”

The federal minister for sexual relations said he had been unaware of the scam but now understood why his teenaged children never accepted his invitations to Netflix and chill.

New Tinder for Gym Junkies app allows Fitness Folk to Hook Up with Themselves


A new version of the popular hook-up-with-as-many-people-as-you-can app, Tinder, allows those who spend hours admiring themselves in the mirror inside the gym, to admire themselves outside of the gym as well.

A spokesperson for the app, titled Tinder Swole, said the app cleverly matches the user with themselves, so they can truly find the love of their lives.

“We were getting complaints that those in the fitness world weren’t satisfied with their matches,” the spokesperson said. “By matching them up with themselves, they’re guaranteed to find someone they can cherish.”

Gym junkies have been excited by the announcement.

“I do this for myself,” one gym member said of his daily 27-hour training schedule. “And this app allows me to reap the rewards of myself more often. Sometimes several times an evening.”

“It’s lonely being beautiful,” another CrossFit enthusiast said. “There’s simply no one but myself on my level. This app understands the struggle and soothes it. Sometimes several times an evening.”

Other users have reported that they have seen huge gains in their right arm since the app launched.