Unsmashed Avo Tipped to be Sydney’s Next Big Food Trend

NonSmashedAvo

A Bondi café has been awarded five chef’s hats and hailed as “fucking genius” for serving customers whole, unpeeled avocados on toast, a bold departure from smashed avo, which dominated global headlines throughout the year.

The chef said the new creation “aligns beautifully” with his philosophy of making whole foods whole again.

“Smashed avo was really just part of that ridiculous ‘deconstructed food’ trend, which is so 2017,” he said. “We wanted to ditch the fads and get back to basics for 2018. Our food is so wholesomely whole we don’t even peel off the little sticker that comes naturally from the tree.”

Sunday brunch fans have been lining up for the dish since 4am Wednesday morning, with many saying they’re willing to spend all the deposit their parents gave them for their first home on this culinary marvel.

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Unattractive Blokes Converting to Hipsterism to Distract from their Ordinary Looks

Hipster

Ordinary-looking Sydney men are converting to hipsterism en masse after realising their odds of scoring a date are surprisingly increased by donning ironic football beanies and wooden glasses and growing bum-fluff moustaches if they’re skinny or full beards if they’re larger.

“Ugly is the new handsome,” one recent convert said. “Before I converted to hipsterism, I couldn’t score a hug in a brothel, but now I’m killing it!”

Another convert said being ugly on his own terms was empowering, but hard work.

“The carefully careless look can take up to eight hours some mornings,” the man said. “But luckily I don’t have a job, and the local dive bar doesn’t do a roll call.”

Regular good-looking hipsters haven’t been happy with the amount of attention their unfortunate-looking brethren have been receiving.

“It’s become impossible to compete with these guys,” one attractive hipster said. “I may have to take a few face plants off the skateboard I’ve never used to compete with these guys.”