Housemates Urged to Aim for Poo Stains Before Xmas Guests Arrive

ShareToilet

Male housemates in a share house in Sydney have been urged to aim for the poo stains built up inside their toilet, in an effort to make the dunny look respectable before guests arrive for Christmas catch-ups.

The man who came up with the idea said the toilet currently looked like they borrowed it from a three-day musical festival.

“I started to use the servo’s shitter across the road as even it was cleaner,” he said. “It was time to take action, and if we all do our part and focus our streams towards the offending chunks, we’ll soon have a Facebook chair sparkling like the eye of a pensioner hitting a 60-cent feature.”

Other housemates weren’t as optimistic about the plan.

“Look, it’s hard enough aiming inside the toilet let alone aiming for strategic targets within it,” one man said. “I think we’d be better to just chuck the whole thing out and buy a new one. It even smells dead.”

Another housemate said it would be better just to board up the bathroom door and make guests feel at home by inviting them to piss in the sink.

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Man Forgets He’s not at Work and Pisses All Over Home Toilet

piss

A Sydney man this morning has had an embarrassing blunder after he pissed all over his home toilet seat, floor, hand towel, roof, vanity mirror and a bit out the window after forgetting he wasn’t at work.

“I was on autopilot ­– or maybe it was auto fire,” the man said. “I simply forgot where I was and proceeded to make an absolute mockery of my home toilet as if I was at work. It was lucky I didn’t go all out and unleash an upper decker on myself.”

The woman the man brought home the night before said she wouldn’t be returning.

“I thought he was having a shower by the sound of it all,” she said. “But instead of a towel and a fresh coat of deodorant, the man returned to the bedroom with urine-beaded track pants and a dripping chin. It was time to call the morning a night and leave.”

The gentleman has told the Sydney Sentinel that he’ll be closing the bathroom door and using the toilet at the servo for the weekend while things “naturally dry out, hopefully”.