Sydney cafe owners have dismissed a Melbourne cafe’s bid to address the gender pay gap by charging men an additional 18 per cent as a “stunt”, noting that true equality means ripping off everyone equally.
“We’ve always insisted on charging everyone as much as possible,” one Sydney cafe owner said. “But to prove just how dedicated to equality we are, we’ll now be demanding all our customers pay an additional 18 per cent.”
Cafe owners in Canberra have also waded into the debate, saying that the city would avoid taking a real stand and maintain its reputation for being the perfect middle ground by charging customers a 9.5 per cent increase.
Joe Hockey has chimed in with a solution that echoes his advice for young people struggling to enter the property market.
“This whole situation could’ve been avoided if women would just get jobs that pay more,” he said.
The government has defended the controversial 10 per cent “luxury tax” on tampons, saying it will only scrap the levy when all Australians can enjoy a monthly period, regardless of gender.
“When men can enjoy the same regular cramps, bleeding and acne that women do, we will of course get rid of the tampon tax,” a government health spokesperson said. “What’s important is that this is fair for everyone involved.”
However Australian men’s groups have argued that the tax on sanitary items should be abolished, along with similar taxes on a raft of other “so-called luxuries”.
“Beer, cigarettes and pornography are all highly taxed items that are treated as luxuries but these are needs, not wants,” one man said.
Older women need to be less uptight and more physically and morally flexible to compete with younger women sexually, according to social media influencers who have begun offering unsolicited sex advice to women aged over 25.
“My sister turned 26 recently so I’m around older women all the time now and it pretty quickly became clear most of them have sexual hang-ups that younger women like me simply don’t have,” Chloe, a 22-year-old blogger/model/sex expert, said. “Most of them haven’t even done Facebook Live sex streams, had seven-way interspecies anal, or allowed their partner to hogtie them during a casual barbecue with the boys. It just breaks my heart.”
Chloe, who is best known for her nude selfies, is one of a growing number of millennials offering free sex counselling and tuition for “sad, repressed and frigid older women” online.
The move has received enthusiastic government backing from an all-male panel of experts on women’s sexuality, which noted that “while we have not traditionally sought the opinion of young women when it comes to matters of national importance, it’s clear that, in this case at least, we cannot afford to ignore them”.