New Personal Training Service Where Trainers do the Workout for You


A service launched in Sydney today allows “time-poor” clients to relax while personal trainers work out on their behalf.

The new service, called Fitness 4 U, is designed for busy Sydneysiders who’d rather be drinking at work, drinking at the pub, or drinking at home than exercise.

One of the first members of the service said it’s up there with having porn on your phone in terms of game changingness.

“This way I can tell myself I’m going to exercise today, not exercise today, but then still feel good about it as someone else did it for me,” the man said. “I haven’t noticed any physical gains, but my conscience has improved dramatically now I don’t have to feel bad about not exercising.”

The membership also comes with a backpack that you can take with you absolutely everywhere to make those not exercising feel bad about themselves.


New Tinder for Gym Junkies app allows Fitness Folk to Hook Up with Themselves


A new version of the popular hook-up-with-as-many-people-as-you-can app, Tinder, allows those who spend hours admiring themselves in the mirror inside the gym, to admire themselves outside of the gym as well.

A spokesperson for the app, titled Tinder Swole, said the app cleverly matches the user with themselves, so they can truly find the love of their lives.

“We were getting complaints that those in the fitness world weren’t satisfied with their matches,” the spokesperson said. “By matching them up with themselves, they’re guaranteed to find someone they can cherish.”

Gym junkies have been excited by the announcement.

“I do this for myself,” one gym member said of his daily 27-hour training schedule. “And this app allows me to reap the rewards of myself more often. Sometimes several times an evening.”

“It’s lonely being beautiful,” another CrossFit enthusiast said. “There’s simply no one but myself on my level. This app understands the struggle and soothes it. Sometimes several times an evening.”

Other users have reported that they have seen huge gains in their right arm since the app launched.